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Why You May Have Trust Issues and How to Overcome Them

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Daniel B. Block, MD, is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania.

Kemal Yildirim / Getty Images

• Why Trust Matters

Signs of Trust Issues

Types of trust issues.

• Causes of Distrust
• Overcoming Trust Issues

Learn to Trust Yourself

Trust is a critical part of any relationship. Without trust—especially trust between two romantic partners—it is difficult to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship . People who have experienced some type of betrayal, such as unfaithfulness in a relationship, may develop trust issues that can interfere with future relationships.

Trust issues can manifest in a variety of ways. For example, a person who finds it difficult to trust may not believe what other people say. They may feel suspicious of what others want from them and may question other people's intentions and motivations. It makes it incredibly difficult to develop an intimate, close connection with another person.

This article discusses trust issues, including the signs that you might have problems with trust and what causes a lack of faith in other people. It also covers some of the steps that you can take to overcome problems with trust.

Why Trust Issues Are Harmful

Trust has a number of benefits that are important for the health of your relationships as well as your own emotional well-being. Trust allows you to:

• Be vulnerable
• Be yourself
• Feel safe and secure
• Focus on positivity
• Increase closeness and intimacy
• Minimize conflict

Trust is important in relationships because it allows you the opportunity to relax, be yourself, and depend on another person. It provides you with the safety and security you need to turn to another person for comfort, reassurance, assistance, and affection.

Trust is the belief that another person is honest and reliable. It is a feeling that you can depend on that person because they offer safety and security. Trust has been described as a firm belief in the ability, strength, reliability, and truth of someone or something.

There are a number of different behaviors that might indicate that you or your partner have a problem with trusting others. Some of these include:

• Always assuming the worst : Your trust issues could lead you to assume the worst about people around you, even when they have proven themselves trustworthy in the past. For example, when someone offers to help you, you wonder if they are expecting something from you later on.
• Suspiciousness : Trust issues can make you feel suspicious about other people's intentions, even if there is little to indicate that their actions are suspect. You might feel like others are trying to harm you or deceive you.
• Self-sabotage : Trust issues often lead to self-sabotage . For example, you might engage in behaviors that interfere with your relationship because you assume it's better to end things now rather than be disappointed later.
• Unhealthy relationships : People with trust issues almost always struggle to build healthy, long-lasting relationships. It's normal for trust to take a while to develop within romantic relationships, but people without trust may never experience this type of connection.
• Lack of forgiveness : When trust is an issue, it is difficult—if not impossible—to move on after a betrayal of trust has occurred. This inability to forgive and forget can affect your entire life; not just your interactions with others. It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, bitterness, and regret.
• Distancing yourself : In many cases, a lack of trust can lead people to build a wall between themselves and other people. You avoid relationships altogether because you fear betrayal or disappointment.
• Focusing on the negative : No matter the situation, you always focus on what you expect will go wrong. You tend to notice other people’s flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes rather than focusing on their positive qualities.

When trust interferes with your ability to form healthy, stable relationships, it can also leave you feeling isolated, lonely, and misunderstood.

Trust problems don't just affect your romantic relationships. They can create conflict and poor communication in any type of relationship, whether it is with your friends, co-workers, or other family members.

Some common types of relationships that can be affected by trust issues include:

• Romantic relationships : People with trust issues often struggle to rely on or believe in their romantic partners. This can lead to a range of problems in relationships, including trust-related infidelity, unwillingness to commit , and difficulty apologizing when trust has been broken.
• Friendships : Just as people have trust issues within romantic relationships, they might also struggle with trusting their friends. Difficulty trusting friends might stem from a fear of disappointment or betrayal. Being let down by people in the past can make it hard to open yourself up to trusting friends again in the future.
• Workplace relationships : There are many reasons why someone might not trust co-workers. They might be concerned that their co-workers are conspiring against them, for instance, or just assume that trusting co-workers is not that important.

Generalized trust refers to a belief in whether or not most other people can be trusted. It can affect a person's ability to trust people, groups, organizations, and governments. Research suggests that this type of trust is influenced by a variety of forces, including culture, social interaction experiences throughout life, and media influences.

Problems with trust can take a toll in many different areas of your life. It can make your romantic relationships more fraught, interfere with your ability to maintain friendships, and contribute to conflict in the workplace.

What Causes Trust Issues?

A 2017 study found that a tendency to trust is influenced by genetic factors. Distrust, on the other hand, is not linked to genetics and is primarily associated with socialization factors, including family dynamics and influences.

People often have trust issues because they have been betrayed in the past. Early childhood experiences, in particular, play a major role in shaping your ability to trust the people around you.

Psychologist Erik Erikson developed a theory of development that suggested that the earliest years of life are all about learning whether the people around you could be trusted with your care and safety. Whether you learn this trust or mistrust , he suggested, plays a foundational role in future development.

This means that trust issues could stem from any number of sources, including:

• Betrayal in a relationship : Infidelity is incredibly hurtful and can lead to trust issues in future relationships.
• Parental conflicts : If children witness trust problems within their family, they may fear that the same thing will happen to them in future romantic relationships in adulthood.
• Social rejection : Being rejected by peers during childhood or adolescence may also make it difficult to trust other people. This type of trust issue can be exacerbated when the person being rejected is unable to determine why they are being excluded. Repeated rejections can make trust issues that much more difficult to overcome.
• Negative life experiences : People who have experienced trauma—especially while growing up—are likely to develop trust issues in adulthood. These trust issues could manifest in many different ways, including difficulty trusting friends or romantic partners, fear of trust-related betrayal, or difficulty forgiving people for breaking their trust.
• Attachment styles : Experts also suggest that your attachment style , or your characteristic pattern of behavior in a relationship, also plays a role in how you respond to trust in relationships. People with a secure attachment style may be more likely to trust others and forgive mistakes. Those with insecure attachment styles, on the other hand, struggle more with trust and are more likely to experience jealousy and anxiety in relationships.

Having one or more of these types of trust problems does not necessarily mean that you have a problem with trust. But it may indicate that you need to address these issues if they are causing you pain or preventing you from forming or maintaining interpersonal relationships .

Trust issues are often connected to negative experiences in the past. Being let down or betrayed by people who you trusted—whether it was a friend, partner, parent, or other trusted figure or institution—can interfere with your ability to believe in others.

How to Overcome Trust Issues

While it can be a challenging emotional undertaking, it is possible to overcome problems with trust. Here are a few trust-building strategies you can use:

Build Trust Slowly

It is important to trust people enough to allow them into your life and, in some cases, to forgive them for their mistakes. Taking your time with it can sometimes help. If you find yourself trying to trust too quickly (and perhaps, too intensely), it may be time to pull back and work up to that level of trust again.

Talk About Your Trust Issues

While you don’t need to provide every detail about what happened to you in the past, being open about why you struggle with trust can help others understand you better. By communicating with your partner , they can be more aware of how their actions might be interpreted.

Distinguish Between Trust and Control

People with trust issues often feel a need for control . This can sometimes manifest as mistrusting behavior. You might feel like you are being betrayed or taken advantage of if you don't have complete control over every situation.

However, this will only hurt your relationships in the long run. Learning how much control you should yield in a given situation is key to building trust with other people.

Make Trust a Priority

Trusting others can be difficult, but trust-building is an essential part of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Make trust a priority in your life—even if it's challenging to do.  

Be Trustworthy

If you try to build trust with someone else, you have to be willing to trust them first. This means being open about your feelings, opinions, thoughts, and limits.

It also means being understanding when the person breaks that trust because everyone makes mistakes. Learning how to balance these two ideas will help establish healthy interpersonal relationships that are based on trust.

Consider Therapy

Therapy can also be helpful for overcoming trust issues. The therapeutic alliance that you form with your therapist can be a powerful tool for learning how to trust other people.

By working with an experienced mental health professional, you can learn more about why you struggle with trust and learn new coping skills that will help you start to rebuild trust in your relationships.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

One of the best ways to practice trust is to trust yourself. This doesn’t mean you should never question yourself or your choices. It just means that you should build a stronger self-awareness that can help guide your judgments and interactions with others.

Practicing mindfulness is one strategy that can be helpful. When you utilize mindfulness, you are able to become more aware of how you are feeling in the present moment without worrying about the past and future.

There are many things that you can do to overcome trust issues. Starting slow, communicating your needs, trying therapy, and learning to trust yourself can help.

A Word From Verywell

Having trust issues can be difficult, but trust-building is an essential part of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Make trust a priority in your life—even if it's challenging to do. 

If you try to build trust with someone else, you have to trust yourself first. This means being open about your feelings, opinions, thoughts, and limits. It also means being understanding when the other person makes mistakes.

Learning how to balance these two ideas will help establish healthy interpersonal relationships that are based on trust, respect, and care.

Wilkins CH. Effective engagement requires trust and being trustworthy . Med Care . 2018;56(10 Suppl 1):S6-S8. doi:10.1097/MLR.0000000000000953

Arikewuyo AO, Eluwole KK, Özad B. Influence of lack of trust on romantic relationship problems: the mediating role of partner cell phone snooping . Psychol Rep . 2021;124(1):348-365. doi:10.1177/0033294119899902

Thoresen S, Blix I, Wentzel-Larsen T, Birkeland MS. Trusting others during a pandemic: investigating potential changes in generalized trust and its relationship with pandemic-related experiences and worry .  Front Psychol . 2021;12:698519. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.698519

Van Lange PAM. Generalized trust: four lessons from genetics and culture . Curr Dir Psychol Sci . 2015;24(1):71-76. doi:10.1177/0963721414552473

Reimann M, Schilke O, Cook KS. Trust is heritable, whereas distrust is not . Proc Natl Acad Sci . 2017;114(27):7007-7012. doi:10.1073/pnas.1617132114

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) .

Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, Neighbors C. The price of distrust: trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse . Partner Abuse . 2015;6(3):298-319. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Why You May Have Trust Issues and How to Overcome Them

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Mental Health Writer, Mental Health Researcher, Proofreader

Education BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Mental Health Studies

Miss Haddi Browne is a freelance mental health writer and proof-reader with over seven years of experience working as a professional researcher with a diverse range of clients across the lifespan, including young adults with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.

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Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

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Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

On This Page:

Trust is a fundamental component of a healthy and resilient relationship. It provides the foundation on which all other aspects of a relationship are built. Without trust, it is difficult to achieve emotional intimacy, effective communication, or long-term commitment. 

When trust issues arise, the relationship becomes fragile and unstable . Trust issues can lead to conflict, insecurity, and emotional distance.

By confronting and resolving these issues, couples have an opportunity to rebuild a stronger, more resilient foundation and foster a healthier, more satisfying relationship.

Trust creates a sense of emotional safety within a relationship. This emotional safety allows individuals to be vulnerable and open with each other, sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of judgment or rejection.

Trust is also a prerequisite for building and maintaining emotional intimacy. Without trust, people may withhold their true selves and feelings, hindering the development of a deep and meaningful connection.

Trust is built on a foundation of reliability and consistency.

When you trust your partner, you can rely on them to fulfill their promises, meet their commitments, and be there when needed. This provides a sense of security and stability and strengthens the bond between you and your significant other.

Why Distrust Is Harmful

Dr. Gary Chapman, clinical psychologist and author of The Five Love Languages, explains that if you cannot trust your partner, it is difficult to feel close to them.

When individuals are preoccupied with doubts and suspicions, they may be less willing to be vulnerable and share their true feelings. This can lead to a sense of emotional distance and a decline in intimacy and affection.

When trust is compromised, individuals may doubt their partner’s reliability, anticipate betrayal, become overly protective, or avoid commitment. 

Trust issues often also result in a breakdown of open and honest communication. When one or both partners in a relationship are suspicious or mistrustful, they may withhold information, be guarded in their conversations, or question their partner’s loyalty.

It can also lead to jealousy , increased conflict, and other destructive behaviors such as snooping, stalking, and in some cases, infidelity.

Furthermore, trust issues can lead to:

• Suspiciousness (e.g., questioning where your partner is going, who they are with, and what they are doing)
• Emotional distress for both individuals in the relationship (e.g., feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and unhappiness)
• Controlling behaviors (e.g., tracking your partner’s location, reading their text messages, or following them)
• Emotional distance and a decline in physical affection
• The stagnation or ending of the relationship

Signs of Trust Issues 

Overly Cautious Behavior

Overly cautious behavior is usually a result of past experiences of betrayal, manipulation, or abandonment. This insecurity can cause someone to become excessively wary and self-protective, distancing themselves from relationships and avoiding long-term commitments. 

Characteristics of overly cautious people include being:

• Reluctant to take risks and put themselves in situations where they might be emotionally exposed or dependent on others.
• Overly critical of others and assuming that everyone is untrustworthy as a means of self-protection.

Skepticism and Suspicion

A person with trust issues may be consistently skeptical of others’ intentions and motives.

Even in the absence of reasonable evidence, people with trust issues tend to:

• Wonder if their partner is being dishonest or untrustworthy
• Anticipate dishonesty
• Jump to conclusions
• Assume the worst
• Question their partner’s motives or loyalty

Signs of a suspicious partner include: 

• Frequently asking their partner where they have been and who they have been with
• Checking their partner’s electronic devices without permission
• Accusing their partner of cheating or lying without valid evidence
• Snooping through their partner’s personal belongings

Anticipating Betrayal

A person with trust issues may be consistently skeptical of others’ intentions and motives. They may be guarded about sharing their thoughts, feelings, or vulnerabilities with others because they anticipate being hurt or betrayed.

Anticipating betrayal is therefore a defense mechanism to shield oneself from potential disloyalty. People who anticipate betrayal in relationships may:

• Create emotional distance by keeping their partner at arm’s length
• Overanalyze their partner’s actions and behaviors, constantly looking for signs of potential betrayal
• Test their partner’s loyalty and commitment by setting up situations to see how they respond
• Project their fears and insecurities onto their partner by accusing them of being unfaithful or dishonest
• Maintain independence and self-sufficiency to avoid relying on their partner for emotional support

Being Over-Protective

If someone has trust issues, they may feel the need to control their partner’s behavior to feel secure. This can look like:

• Constantly checking on their partner’s whereabouts
• Not allowing their partner to go out with friends or family without them
• Getting upset when their partner spends time with other people
• Controlling their partner’s social media accounts or phone usage
• Being overly critical of their partner’s friends or family

Need for Control

Trust issues can lead to a desire for control in relationships. Someone with trust issues may try to control their partner’s actions, whereabouts, or interactions to reduce their own anxiety.

Ways people with trust issues check in on their partner:

• Texting or calling them repeatedly throughout the day
• Asking their partner to check in with them at specific times during the day
• Getting upset if they do not check in with them as often as they would like

Individuals with trust issues find it hard to focus on positive characteristics of their partner or their relationship.

They may tend to overanalyze situations and read into things more than necessary, often seeing negative intent where none exists.

Examples of having a “negativity-bias” in relationships:

• Only remembering times when your partner has let you down
• Overanalyzing your partner’s behavior and looking for signs that they are being dishonest
• Feeling constant anxiety about your partner cheating or lying

Difficulty Forgiving

Partners who struggle to forgive:

• Hold onto grudges for a long time
• Have difficulty letting go and moving on from past hurts
• Refuse to forgive someone who has apologized
• Bring up past hurts in arguments

If someone has experienced infidelity, it can result in a lingering fear of betrayal, making it difficult to forgive their current partner for mishaps. 

Additionally, if your partner displays a pattern of unreliable behavior, broken promises, or dishonesty, this can make you particularly skeptical of their future words and actions.

Avoidance of Commitment

People with trust issues may be hesitant to engage in deep emotional connections or committed relationships as a protective mechanism.

Examples of how people avoid commitment in relationships:

• Questioning their partner’s motives (e.g., doubting the sincerity of compliments, gestures of affection, or expressions of commitment, fearing that these actions are insincere or manipulative)
• Pushing their partner away to create distance and avoid becoming too emotionally invested
• Setting unrealistic or high standards and expectations that can be difficult for a partner to meet
• Avoiding serious conversations about the future
• Finding reasons to sabotage or end relationships prematurely

Combativeness

Individuals may initiate arguments to:

• Avoid intimacy and emotional closeness
• Test their partner’s commitment
• Seek reassurance (e.g., expressions of love, care, and commitment) to ease their anxiety
• Confirm that their negative beliefs about their relationship and their partner are accurate
• Create a distraction from addressing deeper trust issues and confronting their insecurities and fears

What causes a lack of trust?

Past betrayals.

One of the most significant factors contributing to a lack of trust is experiencing betrayal in the past.

Betrayals can come in various forms, such as infidelity, dishonesty, broken promises, or breaches of confidence. When someone has been hurt or betrayed by a trusted person, it can lead to lasting trust issues.

Additionally, repeated negative experiences in relationships can reinforce trust issues. If someone has been in a series of unhealthy or toxic relationships, they may develop a generalized lack of trust in others.

People who have been cheated on in a current relationship often worry about their partner cheating again or leaving them for someone else. They may also feel resentful towards their partner and find it difficult to forgive them. 

Furthermore, infidelity can make it difficult to trust future partners because it shatters your sense of trust and security.

Additionally, experiencing infidelity can trigger low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity, making it difficult to trust someone new.

Childhood Trauma

Childhood experiences, especially those involving caregivers or early relationships, can shape a person’s capacity to trust.

Researchers have repeatedly found that childhood trauma causes alterations in brain systems involved in detecting threats and disrupts one’s ability to form healthy attachments. 

Attachments are bonds that we form with important people in our lives. They should provide us with a sense of safety, security, and belonging. 

Children who experience maltreatment learn that the world is unpredictable and dangerous and that people cannot be trusted or relied on for safety and support. 

Hughes (2004) found that neglected or abused children often have disorganized attachment styles and do not typically view caregivers as a source of safety. They “learn to adapt to an abusive and inconsistent caregiver by becoming cautiously self-reliant.” 

Additional research shows that, as adults, mistreated children are often “emotionally aloof and have difficulty forming close relationships.” 

Older children in long-term foster care have been described as “suspicious and highly adaptable, all in an effort to control or manipulate people viewed as sources of fear rather than sources of love or security.”

Parental Divorce

Experiencing parental divorce can instill beliefs that relationships are unstable, unreliable, and likely to end in pain and disappointment ( Can a Parental Divorce Impact a Child’s Future Relationships? | Qredible , 2020). 

Growing up without positive role models who demonstrate healthy relationships and trust can make it difficult for individuals to develop trust in their own relationships.

Mistreatment in Relationships

When you are mistreated by a partner, caregiver, or loved one, this can create a deep-seated distrust of others.

Dr. Joyline Gozho explains that “with emotional abuse, the abuse is often hidden, subtle, and insidious, yet very deeply damaging. It leads to very deep emotional scars.”

Such abuse can erode a person’s trust in the safety and security of the world and the people in it.

Emotionally abusive people seek to control and manipulate their partners. This can have long-lasting effects on the victim’s ability to trust future partners.

They may develop a fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt, so they may preemptively distance themselves emotionally from others to protect themselves from potential pain. They might believe they are unworthy of being loved and look for signs that their partner will hurt them.

Mental Health Issues

Conditions like anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder can lead to heightened mistrust and difficulty in forming healthy relationships.

For example, anxiety and borderline personality disorder (BPD) can make people fear abandonment and be hyper-vigilant and suspicious of others (Rethink Mental Illness, 2022). 

Anxiety and depression can result in low self-esteem, self-doubt, and insecurity. People who lack confidence in themselves may find it challenging to believe that others can genuinely care about them or have their best interests at heart.

Additionally, people with PTSD may have difficulty trusting others because of past experiences of betrayal or abuse. 

Research has found that having mental health issues can distort your perceptions of reality, making it difficult to regulate intense emotions (Bentivegna et al., 2022). This can impede decision-making and lead to impulsive behaviors (eg., accusing your partner of cheating).

Attachment Style

Attachment theory suggests that the way a person forms attachments in childhood can influence their trust patterns in adult relationships.

People with insecure attachment styles (e.g., anxious or avoidant ) may struggle with trust issues in relationships. Their interactions with caregivers in childhood may have made them unconfident in the availability, acceptance, and responsiveness of attachment figures.

Anxious individuals are often worried about being abandoned or rejected. They may be quick to accuse their partners of cheating or lying , seeing distance or withdrawal as a sign that their partner is no longer interested in them.

Avoidant individuals are afraid of being vulnerable due to a fear of getting hurt or rejected. They struggle to rely on others and protect themselves by withholding trust.

How to heal from trust issues

Practice open and honest communication.

Openly discussing your trust issues with your partner allows them to support you and understand the reasons behind your feelings. 

Tips for communicating honestly:

• Express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns clearly and respectfully.
• Communicate your need for reassurance or support. Let your partner know how they can help and support you.
• For example, “I feel anxious when I think you are being distant” instead of “You always distance yourself from me.”
• Avoid placing blame or making accusations.
• Encourage your partner to share their own perspective. Be an active listener , demonstrating empathy and understanding for their feelings.
• Stay open to your partner’s feedback without becoming defensive. 

Self-Reflection

Start by examining the root causes of your trust issues. Understanding the origins of your trust issues can be a crucial first step in the healing process.

Reflect on your past experiences, including any betrayals or traumas that may have contributed to your lack of trust. What events or relationships have made you wary of trusting others? What specific experiences made you feel betrayed, hurt, or unsafe? 

Observe and challenge any unhelpful thoughts that occur when you feel distrustful. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support your thoughts. Are you making assumptions about your partner? Are you catastrophizing? 

Practice Empathy

When you make an effort to understand your partner’s point of view, it promotes open and honest communication. Your partner is more likely to express themselves when they feel heard and validated, even if they are discussing sensitive topics related to trust.

Ask questions to gain insight into your partner’s point of view and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings about the situation. Try to understand their perspective and be empathetic to their feelings. 

Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their feelings and motivations. Consider how their background, past experiences, and emotions might influence their actions.

Practicing empathy by seeing things from your partner’s perspective demonstrates compassion and care. It can help your partner feel supported and valued in the relationship.

Take Small Steps

Healing from trust issues involves taking gradual, safe emotional risks with your partner.

Start with small steps or risks, like trusting your partner to do something for you or sharing your thoughts and feelings with them. As you gain confidence, you can extend trust in more significant ways.

Healing from trust issues is a gradual process that may take time. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that setbacks can happen.

Challenge Negative Beliefs

Identify and challenge negative beliefs and thought patterns related to trust. Replace irrational or overly negative thoughts with more balanced and realistic ones.

Dr. Margaret Paul, clinical psychologist and author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?, reminds us that trust is a choice, and you can choose to trust your partner, even if you have been hurt in the past.

While past experiences may have shaped your trust issues, you have the power to change your beliefs and behaviors. Taking ownership of your trust issues can empower you to actively work on building trust in your current relationship. 

Forgiveness

Work on forgiving those who may have hurt you in the past, even if it’s a process that takes time. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning their actions but rather releasing the hold their actions have on your emotional well-being.

This can involve accepting that the past cannot be changed and focusing on building a positive future. 

How to let go of the past:

• Reframe your story by focussing on the lessons learned from painful events to create a more positive outlook and a new narrative.
• Consciously work to let go of negative emotions associated with past memories.
• Forgive yourself and those who hurt you. Forgiveness does not excuse actions, but it frees you from carrying the burden of resentment.
• Do not let past experiences define your identity. 
• Practice mindfulness, meditation, or deep breathing to help you stay grounded in the present moment and prevent rumination on past events. 

Therapy or Counseling

Consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor, especially if your trust issues are deeply ingrained or significantly impacting your relationships and well-being.

A therapist can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space for you to explore your feelings, gain insight into your trust issues, and learn coping strategies. They can work with you to tailor a therapeutic approach that aligns with your unique experiences and needs. 

Therapy can help you:

• Develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage intense feelings
• Understand your attachment style
• Build self-esteem
• Learn effective communication strategies
• Learn how to set boundaries. 

Several therapeutic approaches are effective in addressing trust issues:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) challenges negative thought patterns and behaviors. 
• Group therapy, where you interact with others facing similar challenges, helps you build trust and receive support from peers.
• Trauma-focused therapy helps you process past experiences.

Additionally, as you build a rapport with your therapist, you can experience a sense of safety and support, which may serve as a model for developing trust with others.

Is it normal to experience trust issues in a relationship?

Experiencing trust issues in relationships is a common human experience.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? says it is normal to experience trust issues in a relationship, particularly if you have been hurt in the past. 

Having insecurities and doubts is understandable, especially when considering past experiences of betrayal and unfaithfulness.

Furthermore, early life experiences and family dynamics contribute to a person’s tendency to struggle with trust in relationships.

However, when trust issues significantly impact a person’s relationships and overall well-being, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor to address and work through these issues.

How can trust issues look in a long-distance relationship?

Due to unique challenges posed by physical separation, trust issues can manifest in long-distance relationships in the following ways:

• Partners becoming preoccupied with and suspicious about each other’s activities (e.g., their late nights, travel plans, interactions with others).
• Failing to share experiences, feelings, or concerns can cause partners to feel left out or uninformed about the other’s life.
• Delayed responses to messages or being unavailable for calls can lead to assumptions and misinterpretations.
• Fears of infidelity can develop if partners worry about new connections forming.
• Trust develops through shared experiences and quality time spent together. The absence of this can cause feelings of detachment, making it harder to maintain trust.

Setting boundaries and communicating openly and regularly is especially important in long-distance relationships. 

However, respect each other’s need for space–do not pressure each other to be available 24/7.

How long can it take to rebuild trust with a partner?

There is no fixed timeline for rebuilding trust as it depends on the individuals and specific circumstances. 

It is a gradual process and can take anywhere from a few weeks to years to restore trust fully. 

However, several factors can influence the duration of the trust-rebuilding process:

• The severity of the betrayal–a small lie requires less time compared to a major betrayal such as infidelity or financial dishonesty.
• The relationship having a history of trust issues can make it harder to rebuild trust.
• Consistently demonstrating trustworthiness over time. If promises are made to change certain behaviors, following through on those commitments is essential.
• A sincere apology, genuine remorse, and taking responsibility for one’s actions.
• The person who was betrayed needs time to heal and process their emotions, requiring patience and understanding from both partners.

Will a relationship work with trust issues?

Whether a relationship can work with trust issues depends on various factors, including the severity of the issues and the presence of any underlying issues that need to be addressed (e.g., mental health problems). 

If trust issues are severe (e.g., infidelity), it may be harder to make the relationship work. 

However, if both partners are willing to work on the relationship, it is possible to overcome the challenges and build a healthy relationship.

It is important to:

• Discuss feelings and concerns
• Discuss the impact of past experiences
• Work together to find solutions
• Take responsibility for your actions
• Show care and empathy towards a partner dealing with trust issues
• Make positive changes to prevent recurrence of trust issues

Julia Simkus edited this article.

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Understanding what needs repair in your romantic and platonic relationships

How to fix a relationship: laying the foundation for repair, tools for lasting change across relationships, reaching harmony in your romantic relationships, you don't have to learn how to fix a relationship alone.

Want to live a long, healthy, and happy life? Prioritize your relationships. A lack of social connections has negative physical and mental health consequences. Yet we all know it’s hard to make friends as an adult , let alone repair relationships on the rocks.

So, what do you do when your relationships are struggling? It helps to start by analyzing your relationship as well as yourself. Keep reading to learn how to fix a relationship using self-reflection, boundaries, and coach-led personal growth .

You can’t begin to heal your relationships until you identify what needs repair. This includes identifying relationship red flags and their root causes. Looking inward and practicing relational mindfulness are also necessary, as relationships are influenced by both parties, not just one.

Relationship red flags

It isn’t always easy to know if you’re in a toxic relationship, but your gut might tell you something is off. Analyze your relationships and role in them, then look for common red flags.

1. You don't trust them

Does your best friend or partner fail to follow through on promises or repeatedly disappoint you? Do you feel like they take advantage of your relationship? If so, chances are they’ve done things to damage your trust . 

For example, say your friend promises to submit your resume to the hiring manager at their workplace but doesn’t follow through. Granted, sometimes people can’t follow through on promises for legitimate reasons. But repeatedly feeling let down can damage trust, which might mean it’s better to let go of that individual .

2. You adopt toxic behaviors when you're with them

Consider whether your relationship brings out your best qualities or your worst. When a friend exhibits toxic traits , they tend to spread those traits to those close to them. 

If you don’t feel like your best self when you spend time together, chances are you’re inadvertently picking up on their toxicity. You might find a toxic relationship brings out the following qualities in you:

• Impulsiveness
• Argumentativeness
• Selfishness
• Passive-aggressiveness

You may also experience increased fear due to a toxic relationship. Feeling as if you’re walking on eggshells when your friend or partner is around is another sign of a toxic relationship.

3. You're embarrassed to hang out with them in public

Does your friend or partner say or do things that make you uncomfortable? This may be an indication that your values don’t align.

This can look like the following:

• Exhibiting microaggressions toward others
• Making fun of mutual acquaintances
• Embarrassing you with comments or actions

4. You feel taken advantage of

Good relationships are reciprocal and involve both parties putting in equal effort. Even when your friend or partner can’t reciprocate, it’s important you know they ultimately have good intentions.

For example, a good friend won’t vent to you and then tune you out when you need their support. Instead, they’re available to listen and validate you when needed.

5. You second-guess yourself

Good relationships build confidence based on open communication. If hanging out with your BFF leaves you questioning yourself or engaging in negative self-talk , it might be time to move on from the relationship.

This can show up in ways like these:

• Gaslighting you so you question reality
• Criticizing you
• Turning your failures against you
• Making fun of you

Similarly, a good friend isn’t afraid to tell it like it is in a way that doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself. Brené Brown, author of “Dare to Lead,” writes that telling others what they want to hear or softening the truth isn’t kindness . Instead, it’s usually more about making ourselves feel comfortable rather than helping the other person.

When it comes down to it, a genuine and straightforward approach to sharing feedback is a hallmark of a meaningful and supportive friendship. 

Understanding the root causes of broken relationships 

If you find yourself reacting with some of these red flags, you may wonder why this relationship causes you to behave this way. Look inward to understand the root causes and begin to heal them. A healthy sense of self-awareness helps you see the effect you have on those around you and allows you to strengthen relationships.

Trauma and past experiences can cause you to develop adaptive behaviors to protect yourself from further hurt. This can range from a reluctance to trust others to emotional unavailability. 

Such past hurts and resulting insecurities can lead to insecure attachments or relationships where you fear abandonment. This may cause you to feel jealous or try to control others.

If this sounds familiar, don’t shame yourself. The habits you developed from past experiences were intended to protect you at that moment. A more positive approach focuses on developing self-acceptance and healing trauma .

Communication gaps

Strong relationships revolve around open communication . This means both individuals feel safe sharing their needs, concerns, and issues. 

Healthy communication also considers your responses to your partner or friend. Do you validate and accept their experience , needs, and requests? 

How you respond can make or break a relationship, so leave space for others to express themselves without getting defensive, refocusing the conversation on yourself, or invalidating them.

Unmet needs

We all have needs, which is a natural part of being human. But if your relationships don’t leave you feeling fulfilled and appreciated, you might start withdrawing or putting less effort into them.

It’s also important to assess whether it’s appropriate to rely on a relationship to meet certain needs. For example, if you constantly seek validation from your friends, you may need to address the larger problem: low self-esteem . Feeling self-conscious can also lead to toxic relationship behaviors like over-competitiveness and defensiveness.

Communicate openly and honestly 

There’s no room for lies in a good relationship, even lies by omission.

We may believe we’re protecting someone by hiding the truth from them , but this robs the other person of something that could deeply impact their life, writes clinical psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera. More often than not, we leave out the truth to protect ourselves and not our partner or friend.

Consider why you’re reluctant to communicate. Is it due to fear of how they’ll react? If you feel this way, consider whether you’re making assumptions about how they’ll respond to you instead of basing your fear on reality.

Don’t mistake honest communication for being overly critical. Open communication doesn’t attack the other person or their character but focuses instead on actions or behaviors. On the other hand, criticisms typically use these phrases like these:

• “You always …
• Why do you …
• Why don’t you … ”

Starting a conversation with one of these phrases puts the other person on the defensive, writes Kendra Han, the director of couples services at The Gottman Institute. 

Own your mistakes and apologize sincerely

If your idea of conflict resolution doesn’t involve an apology, you might want to rethink your strategy. True conflict resolution requires owning our mistakes and making sincere apologies. Even if we reach common ground with the other person, accepting responsibility and apologizing goes a long way toward rebuilding trust.

Some people may not fully consider how to make a sincere apology . They’re afraid to show vulnerability or are ashamed of the behavior they need to apologize for. They may give you a non-apology, which sounds like “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or they avoid apologizing altogether.

The thing is, avoiding apologies can destroy relationships. To begin healing, you need to show vulnerability and be brave enough to engage in difficult conversations , writes LePera.

Practice forgiveness

Even if you decide to end a toxic relationship rather than repair it, forgiveness is an essential step toward healing. When we refuse to or simply can’t forgive, we continue to experience resentment, anger, despair, sorrow, and confusion. 

These emotions can negatively impact our health, not to mention our relationships. A recent study by Everett Worthington, Ph.D., a Department of Psychology professor at Virginia Commonwealth University, found that practicing forgiveness leads to better mental health and improved well-being. 

Forgiveness allows you to reset a relationship and start fresh. 

Rebuild trust and connection

A damaged relationship isn’t always doomed. But rebuilding trust and connection requires both internal and external work and effort by both parties.

Spend quality time together

Our lives can be demanding, and between work, taking care of kids, and household chores, we can start to feel distant from our partners and friends. If you crave closeness and communication, consider scheduling quality time.

Quality time is one of the five love languages Dr. Gary Chapman discusses in his book, “The 5 Love Languages.” While the book focuses on romantic relationships, quality time is important for friendships, too. 

When you engage in quality time, you give the other person your undivided attention. This doesn’t mean you need to sit face-to-face and make constant eye contact. Quality time can involve sharing an activity as well.

Chapman notes that, no matter how people spend time together, the most important thing is focusing on each other. This tells the other person in the relationship you care about them and enjoy spending time with them.

Demonstrate acts of kindness and appreciation

Good relationships seek to meet your need for connection, whether you express it verbally or nonverbally. Along with setting aside quality time, friends or partners can connect through acts of kindness and appreciation.

This can involve words like stating how and why they appreciate you. It can also involve actions, such as sending a long-distance friend flowers when you hear their pet passed away.

Even small acts of kindness, like a quick text to let a friend know you’re thinking of them, can add up to a big impact.

Set healthy boundaries

Boundaries are a key quality of healthy relationships . Without them, you let others take advantage of your time, space, and emotions. With boundaries, you prevent others from draining your mental well-being , whether on purpose or by accident.

Your boundaries may look different for each relationship , and that’s okay. It may even be ideal. There’s no reason you should feel the need to maintain the same boundaries with your friends that you do with your loved ones. 

Boundaries foster connection between two people by maintaining individuality. We need to understand where our personality ends and theirs begins , writes Brené Brown in her book, “Atlas of the Heart.” She adds that a sense of autonomy promotes compassion and empathy in the relationship.

Healthy boundaries also tell you when it’s time to end a relationship. They allow you to identify relationship red flags and give you the confidence to move on.

Communication skills

Without clear and transparent conversations, our emotions, responses, and actions are based on assumptions. We may try to assume how the other person is feeling or misunderstand the intention behind their actions. Developing communication skills helps us build healthy relationships where we feel empowered to clarify intent and check in on others’ emotions.

While communication is a two-way street, we can’t control how others react or feel, but we can control our own actions and emotions , says Catherine Molloy in her 2022 TED Talk, “Think Before You Speak.”

One way you can foster transparent communication in your relationships is by actively listening to the other person and trying to understand their point of view. Other communication exercises you can practice together include: 

• Check-ins: Share your successes and challenges of the day. This allows you to open up to the other person and continuously improve your relationship.
• Clarifying whether they want advice: Sometimes, all we want is to vent, so it’s helpful to ask your partner or friend if they want you to listen or are asking for advice.
• Sharing laughter: Laughing together can increase bonding. Similarly, not being afraid to be silly in front of each other means your relationship is built on confidence and trust.

Self-care and emotional regulation

Self-care is critical to maintaining healthy relationships. As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. 

Prioritizing self-care enables you to turn inward when you need validation or a self-esteem boost rather than relying on others. This strengthens your personal boundaries and helps you honor others’ boundaries as well.

Additionally, emotional regulation fosters healthy relationships with others and with yourself. This is the ability to control your emotions in a positive way. It doesn’t mean numbing your feelings but finding healthy ways to diffuse strong emotions .

This type of emotional maturity is essential for creating long-lasting relationships. It’s also a huge draw when it comes to dating: A 2023 study by Match.com found that 82% of singles want a romantic partner who’s emotionally mature . 

Building a repair toolkit

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, misunderstandings bloom, and weeds of resentment take root in our relationships. Thankfully, there are ways you can mend fences.

1. Cultivate empathy

Empathy lets you see relationship problems from your friend’s or partner’s perspective. If you’re trying to resolve conflict, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their perspective.

Engage in active listening and ask clarifying questions to understand how your actions make your partner feel. Even if you don’t agree, acknowledge their feelings and avoid getting defensive. 

2. Learn how to apologize

Sincere apologies rebuild trust, but a simple “I’m sorry” doesn’t always cut it. You need to take ownership of your mistakes and express genuine remorse. This shows the other person that you value the relationship and are committed to making things right.

A sincere apology involves:

• Acknowledging your actions
• Expressing regret for the hurt you caused
• Outlining the steps you’ll take to avoid repeating the mistake

3. Actively listen

Don’t just hear their words. Give your partner or friend your full attention and make an effort to understand their message. 

Active listening fosters emotional connection and open communication. Giving someone your full attention shows you care about what they have to say. Leave judgment out of the conversation to create a safe place for them to share their vulnerability.

4. Learn to forgive

Forgiveness isn’t just vital for healthy relationships; it’s vital for personal health, too. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re okay with what they said or did. It helps you let go of resentment and other negative emotions so you can heal.

You can begin to forgive by acknowledging how holding onto anger harms you. Reframe the situation by focusing on the future rather than the past. This also helps you accept relationships as they are and replace negative thoughts with positive thinking .

5. Practice gratitude

If you’re experiencing a rough patch, take a step back and appreciate the good things. Expressing gratitude reminds you why you value the relationship and can shift your focus from negativity to positivity.

You can express gratitude to your partner or friend by:

• Sharing the specific aspects of your relationship you find most beneficial
• Letting them know how much you appreciate specific qualities they exhibit
• Engaging in acts of kindness, like making them dinner or picking up their groceries

Couples therapy

Contrary to what many believe, couples therapy doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is broken. Instead, it is a proactive investment. 

With the right guidance, couples counseling gives you the tools to overcome challenges and nurture a healthy, happy relationship. Therapy supports your relationship by providing the following:

• A safe space for honest and open communication with your couples therapist as a neutral guide
• An opportunity to navigate disagreements in a productive way using conflict resolution skills
• A supportive environment where your couples counselor walks through communication exercises for rebuilding trust and encourages you to be accountable
• A safe place to explore emotional needs and address barriers to intimacy so you can rekindle love and passion

If your partner isn’t open to seeking professional help together, a relationship coach may be a helpful alternative. These coaches help you understand your relationships and resolve interpersonal issues.

Identifying your relationship needs

Relationships thrive when each person’s needs are fulfilled. But sometimes, identifying both your and your partner’s needs can feel like deciphering a secret code. This is where open communication and self-reflection can help.

Start by paying attention to your emotions: What makes you feel happy, loved, appreciated, and secure? What makes you feel lonely, frustrated, or resentful? You can identify non-negotiables in your partnership by reflecting on past relationships to determine what worked well and what didn’t.

You can also reflect on some common relationship needs to see which ones resonate with you, such as:

• Affection and intimacy: Openly discuss what makes you feel most loved and appreciated and actively seek ways to meet each other’s needs for intimacy.
• Respect and trust: Feeling valued, heard, and supported is essential. Communicate your expectations and boundaries to build trust and healthy bonds.
• Shared values and goals: Make it a habit to discuss your values, life goals, and hopes for the future. Talk about ways to support each other’s growth while nurturing shared aspirations and personal goals.
• Fun and adventure: Make time to play, explore new things, and find ways to laugh together. These experiences create lasting memories.

An objective third party can help you identify your needs and work toward fulfillment to cultivate relationships that thrive on mutual understanding, appreciation, and love. A BetterUp coach can also help you focus on personal growth to better give back to the relationships you value.

With science-based tools and exercises, your coach helps you develop conflict resolution, active listening, and emotional regulation skills. Additionally, a relationship with your BetterUp coach can push you out of your comfort zone to help you realize your true potential and become the best version of yourself

Elizabeth Perry, ACC

Elizabeth Perry is a Coach Community Manager at BetterUp. She uses strategic engagement strategies to cultivate a learning community across a global network of Coaches through in-person and virtual experiences, technology-enabled platforms, and strategic coaching industry partnerships. With over 3 years of coaching experience and a certification in transformative leadership and life coaching from Sofia University, Elizabeth leverages transpersonal psychology expertise to help coaches and clients gain awareness of their behavioral and thought patterns, discover their purpose and passions, and elevate their potential. She is a lifelong student of psychology, personal growth, and human potential as well as an ICF-certified ACC transpersonal life and leadership Coach.

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How To Fix Trust Issues: Expert Advice For Your Relationship

Trust is the bedrock of every healthy relationship. The invisible glue holds the foundation of love, understanding, and mutual respect. But what happens when that trust is breached? How do you mend a relationship riddled with trust issues?

In this comprehensive guide, we'll take you through expert-backed strategies to potentially fix trust issues in a relationship. We'll also explore how online therapy can play an integral role in this journey toward rebuilding trust.

Recognizing trust issues

Trust issues in romantic relationships can be a barrier to achieving emotional intimacy and satisfaction. These issues are multi-faceted, often complex, and can stem from various sources, such as infidelity, emotional abuse, or communication breakdowns. The first and foremost step is acknowledging their existence to effectively address and resolve them.

Acknowledging the existence of trust issues requires both partners to fully understand and agree that there's an issue that needs resolution. This mutual understanding can be paramount, as it forms the foundation for building problem-solving and healing processes. Ignoring or denying the existence of trust issues can only lead to further damage as the problems persist and potentially worsen over time.

Trust issues often manifest through common signs such as insecurity, jealousy, and constant suspicion. These emotional responses may reflect underlying fears or anxieties about the relationship or the partner's behavior.

Recognizing insecurity's role

Insecurity in a relationship can be seen when one partner constantly doubts the other's commitment, feels anxious about the relationship's stability, or overly worries about potential abandonment. This might manifest in overthinking, overly critical, or seeking constant reassurance.

Jealousy, another common sign of trust issues, often arises when there's a fear of being replaced or losing the partner to someone else. It might be triggered by actual threats to the relationship, like flirting or perceived threats, which may not have any basis in reality but are fueled by the individual's insecurities.

Constant suspicion is a heightened state of doubt about the partner's actions, intentions, or honesty. This could involve questioning the partner's every move, doubting their truthfulness, or feeling the need to constantly check on them.

Recognizing these signs is crucial because it helps identify the existence of trust issues and provides insights into their underlying causes. In addition, it's a step towards understanding what specific events, actions, or behaviors may have contributed to these feelings of distrust. Such understanding is vital to formulating appropriate strategies to address the issues.

Resolution of trust issues usually involves open communication, understanding, patience, and consistency. This might include discussing the root causes of the trust issues, expressing feelings and fears openly, setting boundaries, and consistently demonstrating trustworthy behavior. Additionally, seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide a safe and structured environment to explore these issues profoundly and constructively.

The impact of broken trust

The implications of broken trust in relationships extend beyond emotional pain and distress. They permeate various aspects of well-being, including physical and mental health, and can significantly impact the quality of life.

Broken trust can elicit strong emotional responses , often causing intense distress. For example, it can lead to feelings of betrayal, sadness, anger, confusion, and disappointment. However, it's not just the emotional realm that suffers; broken trust profoundly affects psychological well-being, potentially leading to mental health issues such as chronic stress, anxiety, and depression.

Chronic stress can be a major consequence of broken trust. When trust breaches, individuals may find themselves hyper-vigilance, constantly alert for further betrayals or disappointments. This heightened state of arousal can lead to chronic stress, which, over time, can harm mental and physical health.

Broken trust: A connection to anxiety and depression

The uncertainty and fear of repeated betrayal can lead to pervasive anxiety, particularly in contexts related to the breach of trust. For instance, someone who has experienced infidelity may develop severe anxiety about their partner's actions, whereabouts, or fidelity in future relationships.

Depression is also a significant concern when discussing the repercussions of broken trust. The deep emotional pain and feelings of betrayal can lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness - all hallmark symptoms of depression.

Moreover, the impact of broken trust doesn't end with mental health. There are also physical health implications to consider. Chronic stress, anxiety, and depression can lead to psychosomatic symptoms, meaning that mental and emotional distress can cause physical symptoms. These may include headaches, gastrointestinal issues, sleep disturbances, and fatigue.

Furthermore, research has shown that chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to infections and diseases. This implies that the distress caused by broken trust can indirectly affect one's physical health by decreasing immune function.

Rebuilding trust: It's a process

Rebuilding trust within a relationship is indeed a journey that necessitates patience and commitment and resilience from both partners involved. This process is not typically linear, nor is it quick. Instead, it involves deep emotional work, sincere apologies, and a conscious commitment to behavioral changes that support the growth of trust.

One of the pivotal steps in this process is the open expression of emotions. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, and when it comes to healing from broken trust, it takes on an even more significant role. Partners need to feel safe and encouraged to share their feelings, fears, and concerns without fear of judgment or negative repercussions.

Expressing emotions openly

In expressing emotions openly, both partners can begin to understand each other's perspectives more deeply. This can include the person who has been betrayed expressing their pain and disappointment, and the person who broke the trust explaining their actions and expressing remorse. These conversations must happen in a calm, respectful, and empathetic manner.

Understanding each other's feelings and experiences can promote empathy, an essential ingredient in repairing broken trust. Empathy allows partners to connect on a deeper emotional level, fostering a mutual understanding that can help heal wounds caused by betrayal.

When a partner can empathize with the other's feelings, they are more likely to make changes that prevent the same issues from recurring. This can involve making necessary behavioral changes, demonstrating accountability, and showing consistent actions that align with their words.

Offering genuine apologies is another critical step in this journey. In this context, an apology should not just express remorse; it should also acknowledge the pain caused, take responsibility for the actions, and express a clear intention not to repeat the behavior.

Importantly, rebuilding trust requires patience. It takes time for the hurt partner to heal and for the offending partner to demonstrate consistent, trustworthy behavior. It's a process that involves many small steps, each one gradually helping to restore the lost faith.

The power of a genuine apology

The value of a heartfelt apology can never be overstated. A meaningful apology should acknowledge the mistake, express remorse, and commit to change. This can foster healing and pave the way for trust to be rebuilt.

Changing harmful behaviors

Actions speak louder than words. Changing harmful behaviors is a tangible demonstration of a partner's commitment to rebuilding trust. Whether improving communication, enhancing transparency, or eliminating unhealthy habits, change is a critical step in this journey.

The role of forgiveness

Forgiveness is the final piece of the puzzle in fixing trust issues. However, forgiveness is a personal journey that can't be rushed. It's a conscious decision an individual makes when they're ready, and respecting this process is crucial.

Seeking professional help

Sometimes, trust issues are deeply rooted and may require professional intervention. Licensed therapists and counselors are trained to help couples navigate these complex issues, providing tools and strategies to facilitate healing.

The benefits of online therapy with Regain

Online therapy has emerged as a convenient and effective way of addressing relationship challenges. Regain is a leading online therapy platform allowing couples to tackle trust issues from their homes.

Moreover, online therapists are licensed professionals with substantial experience addressing relationship issues. They provide expert guidance and utilize evidence-based approaches to help couples navigate their challenges, including rebuilding trust. This expertise, coupled with the platform's accessibility, ensures that couples receive the professional help they need when they need it.

Effectiveness of online therapy for trust issues

The effectiveness of online therapy in addressing trust issues should not be underestimated. While trust issues can be complex and deeply rooted, online therapy can provide a supportive and secure environment for individuals and couples to begin unpacking these issues.

Research has shown that online therapy can be as effective as traditional face-to-face therapy. This is particularly true for cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a common therapeutic approach used to address trust issues, which has been shown to translate well to the online format.

Online therapy can provide tools and strategies for understanding and addressing the root causes of trust issues, improving communication, and developing healthier relationship patterns. This can include exercises for enhancing empathy, promoting open and honest communication, and techniques for rebuilding trust.

Trust issues can shake the foundation of a relationship, but they're not insurmountable. With patience, open communication, behavioral changes, forgiveness, and the help of professionals, trust can be rebuilt, and relationships can flourish once more.

Remember, it's a journey, not a race. And with platforms like Regain , you can access professional help right at your fingertips, guiding you every step of your journey to mend and restore trust in your relationship.

Frequently asked questions (FAQs)

How do you fix trust issues in a relationship?

Rebuilding trust after trust issues have come to fruition in a relationship can be tough after a breach of trust between partners has occurred, but it is possible.  Rebuilding trust requires strong communication.  Trust works when the betrayed partner can convey how they feel about the situation, why the breach of trust hurt them, and what they need from their partner to build trust in them again.  Forgiveness must also be granted to rebuild trust in a relationship, and it is important to choose not to dwell on the past and bring up the transgression that caused broken trust.  Learning to trust again and building trust in a partner who betrayed you can be tough, but it is possible when both parties are committed.

How do I get rid of trust issues?

Getting rid of trust issues takes time.  First, be willing to risk the pain of learning to trust and building trust in another person.  Then, find a trusted partner, such as a therapist, who can help you overcome trust issues.  Trust requires taking emotional risks when learning to trust in a relationship.  You’ll also have to confront all your trust issues, including prejudices, suspicions, fears, and painful feelings around your trust issues, all while rebuilding trust in your relationship.  Continue this process until you overcome your trust issues and can extend trust in a relationship.

What are the signs of trust issues?

Signs of trust issues and a lack of trust include:

• Predicting how people will treat you, even without evidence of a reason to have trust issues with a specific person, is one of the signs of trust issues.
• You rust people who you clearly shouldn’t trust. While it seems counterintuitive, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy of people who have trust issues.
• You trust people too quickly. If you are not experienced in extending trust to people healthy, you may have trust issues.
• Being guarded and refraining from your thoughts and feelings or anything personal with others in fear it will be used against you is also a sign of trust issues.
• Those who have trust issues in relationships tend to have shallow relationships that never go beneath the surface or become a long-term commitment due to a lack of trust in other people.
• The belief that betrayal is inevitable in a relationship could lead to trust issues in relationships and a lack of trust that prevents you from becoming emotionally committed to your partner.
• Genuine, harmless mistakes are seen as reputable causes for lack of trust or broken trust when there are trust issues in relationships.
• Others may see you as unforgiving, difficult, or self-righteous if you have trust issues in relationships.

Why do I have a hard time trusting?

Trust isn’t given; it’s earned.  For some people, building trust and learning to trust people is difficult due to varying factors , including:

• Personal factors-You may have a low propensity to trust people or signs of trust issues due to early childhood role models, your personality, beliefs, values, culture, self-awareness, and emotional maturity. These factors all influence our ability to trust people.
• Past experiences-Many people have to trust issues in relationships and a difficult time learning to trust their partner due to betrayal in their past that led to broken trust in a former relationship. Or, there may have been a betrayal in the current relationship, and the betrayed partner is having a hard time learning to trust their partner again.
• Unrealistic expectations-Often times broken trust stems from unmet or unclear expectations, and when those expectations are not met, it results in broken trust. Trust works when both partners in a relationship are communicative about expectations upfront.  This is a healthy way to prevent trust issues in relationships due to failed expectations.

Can you love someone and not trust them?

You cannot truly love someone without building trust in the first.  Building trust is the predecessor to love.  Trust isn’t given; it’s earned through actions.  Trust works by providing a sense of to both partners, allowing them to be open and vulnerable emotionally to one another.  Only then can you truly love someone?  The inability to let down your guard emotionally to your partner is one sign of trust issues.

Can trust be repaired in a relationship?

What is the root cause of trust issues, how do you build trust back in a relationship, how do you know if your relationship is beyond repair, at what point do you walk away from a relationship, is trust issues a red flag, how to know when its time to break up, what's the biggest red flag in a guy, how do you know when your relationship is over, what stage do most couples break up.

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How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship

Last Updated: January 29, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW . Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 825,241 times.

Do you feel like you can’t trust your partner or that your partner doesn’t trust you? Not having trust in a relationship can lead to major problems and might even end your relationship. An easy way to build trust is to relate to your partner differently. Communicate more and be willing to be open with each other. Feeling insecure can lead to trust issues, so build your self-esteem and do things that you enjoy on your own. If you struggle to trust your partner due to past hurts, consider getting therapy and working through these problems.

Improving Your Communication

• Practice giving trust before suspicion. Give your partner trust first and see how it feels.
• Let your partner know you are choosing to trust them instead of being suspicious.
• Remember that if you're monitoring your partner, it means that you're already suspicious of them. You might misinterpret anything that you find.

• For example, instead of worrying what your partner is doing when they go out, have a talk before they leave and get an idea for where they are going and what they are doing. Get in the habit of having these talks without pressing them for information.
• When talking to your partner, be calm and friendly. If you accuse or blame them of things, they may become defensive. If you appear mad or upset, they may not want to talk.

• There will be times when you think something is fishy. On such occasions, it's worth changing your approach and finding out more details.
• For example, if worried about your partner’s secretive texting, say, “I find it odd that you’re so secretive when you text. Can you tell me what’s up?” This works better than, “I don’t trust you and think you’re hiding something from me.”

• Look for a counselor who works with couples specifically and who will see you and your partner together. You can find a couples’ therapist by calling your insurance provider or local mental health clinic.

Working Through Insecurities

• For example, if your inner dialog tends to tell you how awkward you are or how embarrassed you should be, replace it with things that make you feel good about yourself, such as, “Even if I didn’t explain myself well, I still tried and did a better job communicating.”
• If your self-esteem issues are interfering with your relationship, you may want to seek help from a licensed therapist on your own. They can help build your self-esteem, which may strengthen your relationship.

• If you don’t know where to start, try volunteering . You can meet new people and know you’re making a difference in your community. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
• You can try and pick up a new sport, do yoga, paint, dance, hike, or create music.

• Spend time with your friends and family outside of your relationship. Make time for meals, nights out, and activities with people you care about.

• If you struggle to process your emotions, try journaling, listening to music, or taking a walk.

Moving Past Your Own Hurt

• Your partner may even have hurt you or betrayed your trust in the past. If trust was broken in the past, forgive it and move on if you wish to continue the relationship.
• For example, if your last partner cheated on you , it makes sense that you would be extra careful this time around. Remember, however, that your current partner has not cheated on you.

• If your partner hasn’t been suspicious or unfaithful yet you still worry, recognize that your insecurity is what likely drives the distrust.
• If your partner has been unfaithful (or you’ve been unfaithful), ask yourself if you can let go and move on with the relationship.

• Recognize that you’ve made mistakes or have been hurt in the past, yet you were able to learn from those experiences. Accept the lessons and move past the hurt by forgiving yourself.

• Find a therapist by calling your insurance provider or local mental health clinic. You can also get a recommendation from a physician or friend.

Help Developing a Trusting Relationship

Expert Q&A

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2016/11/trust-issues/
• ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
• ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201811/want-resolve-conflicts-stop-blaming-others
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201203/5-principles-effective-couples-therapy
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-zen/201507/10-steps-restoring-trust-in-relationships
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/202010/the-importance-shared-interests-in-relationships
• ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm
• ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/
• ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/build-trust/
• ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/finding-a-therapist-who-can-help-you-heal.htm

About This Article

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Read More...

Good communication is key to overcoming trust issues in a relationship. While it might be tempting to spy on your partner or monitor what they’re doing, doing so can be very damaging. Instead, talk to them openly about your feelings and concerns. Avoid blaming them or pointing fingers. Instead, do your best to stay calm and explain why you’re worried in a non-judgmental way. If you find it too difficult to talk about these issues without arguing, consider seeing a couples’ counselor. They can help you figure out where your trust issues come from and give you the tools you need to work things out together. For more advice from our co-author, including how to strengthen your relationship by building up your own self-esteem, keep reading! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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5 Signs of Trust Issues in Relationships & Ways to Cope

Talented writer Calantha Quinlan explores the human experience with raw honesty and emotional depth. Covers love, relationships, personal growth, and spirituality.

In This Article

Navigating trust issues in relationships can be challenging but essential for its well-being. As your relationship progresses, recognizing signs, understanding root causes, and implementing effective coping strategies for trust issues becomes crucial.

Here, we’ll explore these aspects, providing insights to help couples nurture trust, enhance communication, and build a stronger foundation for a lasting connection.

What are trust issues in relationships?

Trust issues in relationships can stem from a lack of confidence in a partner’s reliability, faithfulness, or honesty . Signs may manifest as skepticism, constant questioning, or emotional distance.

Trust issues meaning in relationships can vary, including past betrayals, personal insecurities, or communication breakdowns. Unresolved issues may lead to jealousy, suspicion, and strain on the relationship.

Rebuilding trust requires open communication, transparency, and consistency. Both partners must acknowledge and address underlying concerns, promoting a safe space for vulnerability.

Professional counseling can offer guidance. Overcoming trust issues in relationships is a gradual process, demanding patience, empathy, and commitment from both individuals to strengthen the emotional foundation of the relationship.

How trust issues affect a relationship

Trust issues in relationships can profoundly impact a relationship, manifesting as skepticism, constant worry, or emotional detachment. Such behaviors erode the foundation of intimacy, hindering open communication and genuine connection.

Partners may struggle with vulnerability, leading to a cycle of misunderstanding and distance. Resolving trust issues can demand mutual commitment, patience, and a willingness to address the root cause of trust issues.

Without intervention, the relationship may face ongoing challenges, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and working through these issues for a healthier, more secure connection. Professional guidance, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in navigating and overcoming trust-related struggles.

6 causes of trust issues in a relationship

Having trust issues in a relationship can stem from various sources and reasons , impacting the foundation of a strong connection. Uncovering the root causes is crucial for resolution. Explore what causes trust issues, gaining insights into how these dynamics can affect the emotional fabric of a relationship.

1. Past betrayals

Past betrayals, whether through infidelity or breaches of trust, can linger in the shadows of a relationship. The scars from previous betrayals can create a foundation of suspicion, making it challenging to learn to trust your partner in the present.

2. Communication breakdowns

Communication breakdowns can sow the seeds of mistrust. When partners struggle to express themselves openly or misunderstand each other, it can create a gap in understanding. The lack of effective communication can lead to doubts about intentions and contribute to the erosion of trust in a relationship.

3. Insecurities and low self-esteem

Insecurities and low self-esteem can fuel trust issues in relationships. Individuals grappling with self-doubt may find believing in their partner’s love and commitment challenging. Addressing these internal struggles is vital for rebuilding trust and fostering a healthier connection.

4. Lack of transparency

A relationship falters when there’s a need for more openness. Hiding information or being evasive might create doubt. Transparent communication builds trust, while secrecy breeds suspicion, potentially causing lasting damage to the foundation and the relationship’s lack of trust.

5. Jealousy and comparison

Jealousy and constant comparison can poison a relationship. Insecurities magnify perceived threats, leading to mistrust. Promoting a mindset of appreciation over comparison and addressing underlying insecurities is crucial for restoring trust.

6. Fear of vulnerability

The fear of being emotionally exposed can hinder trust. Reluctance to share feelings and fears impedes intimacy. Overcoming this fear involves creating a safe space for vulnerability, allowing partners to connect on a deeper level and rebuild trust.

5 signs and symptoms of trust issues

Trust issues can subtly weave into the dynamics of a relationship, impacting its very essence. Identifying these symptoms becomes pivotal in nurturing a stronger bond. Understanding the signs is crucial to addressing underlying concerns and facilitating a connection that thrives on trust and understanding.

1. Constant questioning

Frequent doubts and the persistent need for reassurance can be telltale signs of profound trust issues, possibly originating from past betrayals or individual insecurities. Addressing these concerns is crucial for rebuilding the loss of trust in a relationship.

2. Emotional distance

Trust issues can prompt partners to emotionally withdraw as a self-protective measure, erecting a substantial gap that obstructs authentic connection and intimacy. Bridging this gap requires addressing underlying trust issues for a healthier emotional bond.

3. Excessive monitoring

Persistent surveillance, whether online or daily, signifies a trust deficit. Fear or suspicion may drive the monitoring of activities and interactions, intensifying strain on the relationship. Addressing these concerns is vital for rebuilding trust and restoring balance.

4. Overreacting to innocent actions

A magnified response to seemingly harmless actions, such as a delayed message, hints at underlying trust issues. Minor incidents provoke exaggerated emotional reactions, revealing deep-seated doubts that need acknowledgment and resolution for a healthier relationship.

5. Avoidance of commitment

Fear of commitment , often rooted in trust issues, hinders long-term plans and deeper emotional investment. Individuals may shy away from responsibilities, fearing potential future hurt or betrayal. Addressing these fears is essential for fostering a secure and committed relationship.

How to overcome trust issues in a relationship: 5 ways

Trust issues and how to overcome them is a delicate process that requires patience and commitment. Understanding the root causes and implementing effective strategies can pave the way for rebuilding trust.

Explore five actionable ways to navigate and overcome trust issues, encouraging a healthier and more resilient connection with your partner.

1. Open communication

A cornerstone for trust, honest and open dialogue can form the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Actively encourage transparent conversations , addressing fears, concerns, and expectations to cultivate a shared understanding that strengthens the foundation of trust between partners.

2. Building consistency

Rebuilding trust involves showcasing reliability and consistency in actions. Consistent behavior over time can provide reassurance to your partner. Trust in a relationship definition is a sense of dependability, crucial in promoting the rebuilding process and nurturing a foundation of trust in the relationship.

3. Setting boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is vital for addressing insecurities and preventing misunderstandings when learning how to fix trust issues in a relationship. Clearly defined expectations can create a sense of security, minimizing the likelihood of compromised trust and promoting a healthier relationship dynamic.

Watch Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist, as she explains how to establish healthy boundaries in a relationship in this video:

4. Seeking professional support

Couples therapy or guidance from relationship experts offers invaluable insights and tools to overcome trust issues. 

Professional support provides an objective perspective, facilitating constructive conversations and equipping partners with strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen their bond. This is especially important when exploring how to deal with trust issues in a new relationship.

5. Cultivating emotional intimacy

Deepening intimacy involves fostering emotional connection through shared experiences and vulnerability. Encourage open expressions of feelings, enabling both partners to connect profoundly. This process not only enhances intimacy but also contributes to the rebuilding of trust within the relationship.

Commonly asked questions

Navigating relationships often involves questions about trust, communication, and overcoming challenges. This section provides insights and practical answers to common queries, offering guidance on building and maintaining healthy connections while addressing concerns commonly arising in relationships.

Can trust issues be fixed?

Yes, trust issues can be fixed with commitment, communication, and understanding. Identifying the root causes, encouraging open dialogue, and demonstrating consistent behavior over time are vital steps. Seeking professional support, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable guidance in rebuilding trust and creating a healthier foundation for the relationship.

Can a relationship survive with trust issues?

While challenging, a relationship can survive with trust issues. Open communication, commitment to change, and addressing underlying concerns are crucial. Seeking professional help, like couples therapy, can provide guidance.

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that demands effort and understanding from both partners to enable a resilient and healthy connection.

Why are trust issues so common?  

Trust issues might arise from past betrayals, personal insecurities, or communication breakdowns. Previous experiences of betrayal or heartbreak can linger, influencing future relationships.

Insecurity and fear can amplify doubts, while challenges in open communication may hinder the development of trust. Understanding these factors is essential for addressing and overcoming trust issues.

Why is it essential to address trust issues?  

Addressing trust issues is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Unresolved doubts can lead to emotional distance and strain. Openly discussing concerns can promote understanding and help rebuild trust. A relationship built on trust is more resilient, providing a secure foundation for emotional intimacy, communication, and long-term commitment.

How long does it take to build trust in a relationship?

The time it takes to build trust in a relationship varies. It depends on the depth of the trust issues, the commitment of both partners, and the effectiveness of communication and actions.

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires patience, consistent effort, and a shared commitment to creating a secure and understanding connection.

To summarize

Addressing trust issues in relationships is vital for sustenance. We explored the common causes and symptoms, emphasizing the importance of open communication, consistency, and setting boundaries. To rebuild trust, cultivating emotional intimacy through shared experiences was highlighted. Professional support, like couples therapy, can offer valuable guidance.

Remember, trust restoration is gradual; patience and commitment are paramount. Whether through self-reflection, open dialogue, or seeking external help, actively addressing concerns lays the groundwork for a resilient and thriving relationship. Embrace the journey of rebuilding trust, and consider professional assistance for a more structured and supportive approach.

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Calantha Quinlan is a talented writer with a passion for exploring the depths of the human experience. Her writing is characterized by its raw honesty, emotional depth, and sensitivity to the complexities of life. Calantha’s work Read more covers a wide range of topics, from love and relationships to personal growth and spirituality. Her writing is known for its ability to inspire readers to live more meaningful and fulfilling lives and to approach challenges with courage and grace. When she’s not writing, Calantha can be found indulging in her love for photography, capturing the beauty of the world through her lens. She also enjoys practicing yoga and meditation, which help her to stay centered and grounded in a busy world. Read less

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9 Effective Strategies To Help You Fix Trust Issues In Your Relationship

Until you recognize the signs of having trust issues, you can’t take the necessary steps toward healing.

And that’s what you need right now.

Because somewhere along the way, someone broke your trust.

A lover, a friend, a spouse.

And the effects of that betrayal or failure don’t just go away.

Fortunately, the more you know, the sooner you can learn how to fix trust issues and build stronger, more connected romantic relationships.

Should I Be in a Relationship If I Have Trust Issues?

Can couples overcome trust issues, dealing with trust issues in a relationship, what causes trust issues in a relationship, 1. open the lines of communication. , 2. learn how trust is earned and what makes someone trustworthy., 3. learn to see people as individuals rather than groups., 4. identify your triggers., 5. start small to regain faith in other people., 6. swap out worst-case scenarios for hopeful ones., 7. allow yourself to be vulnerable., 8. step into their shoes., 9. build your confidence and self-esteem..

The short answer is no — not until you resolve or heal the causes of your lack of trust.

However, you may not be in the position to walk away from your relationship.

Or you may not want to, even though it's painful.

At the root of your trust issues is the belief that you don’t deserve a relationship where you feel loved unconditionally and worth more than your usefulness.

Perhaps you’ve gotten accustomed to feeling like a supporting actor.

So, you play your role, expecting an end that will reinforce your bit-player identity.

No one likes to walk on eggshells around other people, especially not someone who is supposed to love and care for you.

So at some point, there’s a crunch (accidental or not).

And it’s almost a relief to stop pretending trust was even a possibility. When things come to a head like this, you may decide you want out. Or you want help.

Of course, they can.

But you can't know how to resolve trust issues on your own or without work and commitment from both partners. This work requires meeting regularly with a couple's therapist to help you address how they impact your relationship.

Fortunately, it's well worth the effort.

When you build trust in a relationship, you believe the other person will take your feelings, thoughts, and best interests into account when making decisions that affect you.

This level of care and mutual dependability allows for vulnerability — which leads to deeper emotional intimacy as a couple. You both feel safe and secure to be yourselves without fear of rejection, betrayal, or abandonment .

Maybe you're wondering how to save a relationship without trust. You have a lot invested after all. But relationships with no trust are an uneasy truce. You never feel that deep connection you long for.

Without trust, it’s impossible to build a real and lasting love partnership. You’re stuck in limbo, wondering, “Who will hurt the other first?”

Coping with this tension and trying to “make the relationship work” is no easy task. You may tiptoe around the elephant in the room and hope to cobble together some semblance of a marriage or intimate relationship .

Or sometimes you’ll sabotage your own efforts just to get it over with.

It’s easier to shut the person out if you feel attacked or expect him or her to turn on you or hurt you at any moment.

At this point, you might be wondering, “But what causes my trust issues?”

You may have grown up with a loving family, and you can’t for the life of you understand why you expect people to reject or abandon you. What could lie at the root of your fears?

Or there may be events from childhood or adolescence that contributed to your insecurities.

Here are few possible explanations:

• Negative childhood experiences, family dysfunction, or trauma.
• Social rejection or being bullied as a teen.
• Having low self-esteem and feeling unworthy due to criticism or belittling by adults.
• Being cheated on or abandoned in past relationships.
• Being physically abused or violated in past relationships.

Learning how to trust again in a way that benefits you and your partner involves risk.

We don’t mean the kind of risk where you throw caution to the wind and let your guard down too quickly.

We're talking about the risk and pain of having to unpack your issues, and still never completely knowing whether or not you'll get hurt again.

But there are ways to mitigate that risk, and working on these steps is so worth the effort for your future happiness in a relationship and for your self-esteem.

How to Fix Trust Issues in a Relationship: 9 Effective Strategies

Consider the following steps for building trust in a way that honors your needs as well as those of your partner. Remember, you may need the support of a therapist as you work on trust issues in marriage or a committed relationship.

You’ve been hiding your thoughts and feelings for fear of rejection. Take a risk and speak up. Even if someone disagrees with you, the more you respectfully communicate your point of view, the braver you’ll be.

When you begin a new relationship , talk about how much you value trust and find out what the other person feels about it. You can ask questions like:

• What does trust in a relationship mean to you?
• What would feel like a breach of trust? 
• How can we make each other feel more secure and trusting in our relationship?

The answers to these questions will reveal so much about the other person and whether are not they are worthy of your trust. 

Trusting too quickly is as counter-productive as shutting down and refusing to trust. And if you see yourself as untrustworthy, you’re also more likely to project that onto others.

Learn what it really means to have this quality and see it in others. Trustworthy people are:

• Honest and authentic
• Respectful of themselves and others
• Consistent in what they say and do
• Caring and genuinely interested in other people
• Respectful of your boundaries
• Trusted by many friends, co-workers, and past partners
• Able to speak difficult truths in loving ways
• Guided by their values and integrity

The more you generalize or make assumptions about people as a group, the easier it is to keep the walls up. Learn to see each as an individual with needs and concerns as valid as your own.

Of course, it will require you to invest time and emotional energy in getting to know someone on a deeper level. And that involves some risk.

But if you don't give people a chance to reveal their good character, you might miss an opportunity for a wonderful connection.

Some situations will set off alarms in your head and get your imagination working overtime on all the ways someone might hurt you. Learn to identify those triggers and interpret them differently.

Your knee-jerk reaction about someone's words or behavior could be based on your past pain — not on reality. Look at the entirety of a person, and don't write them off over something you perceive as a trust warning. 

Give people small opportunities to show their trustworthiness. Instead of spying on them or assuming the worst, give them the space and encouragement to do right by you.

We are all flawed, and even the best of us will break the trust of others and say or do hurtful things. But that doesn't mean it will be a consistent pattern.

You can recognize a serial trust abuser by patterns of behavior — not by one-off mistakes. 

People make mistakes, even when they’re doing their best to avoid them. Make some allowances for human frailty and don’t expect more of others than you do of yourself.

Before you sabotage your relationship to realize a self-fulfilling prophecy, consider more hopeful interpretations of their actions. And talk to them about what you’re feeling.

You don't want your fears and insecurities to sabotage an otherwise good relationship. Do your best to manage your fears with positive self-talk and reality checks. 

Talk to a trusted friend or counselor about your fears and whether or not the behavior of your new friend or lover merits your concerns. 

It's common to close yourself off after you've been hurt or betrayed. You don't want to show your feelings if you think the other person might run away or treat you poorly.

You think you need to protect yourself in order to prevent further pain. But closing yourself off too much doesn't afford the chance for the relationship to bloom.

You don't have to shout, “ I love you ” after the first date or “Will you be my best friend?” when first introduced to someone.

But over time, reveal more and more about yourself as you recognize the traits of trustworthy people outlined above. 

If the roles were reversed and your partner spied on you, read your text messages, cyber-stalked you, or kept you at arm’s length, how would you feel? And what might you do about it?

Give this person in your life the benefit of the doubt before you go to extreme measures. Snooping and suspicion are not attractive behaviors.

Take daily action to build your confidence and get to know yourself better. Pursue your interests, develop your skills, and take more risks. And look for ways to lift up others, too.

The better you feel about yourself and your own worthiness, the better your “trust radar” will be. You'll more easily recognize people who lack the integrity to merit your trust. 

And you'll be drawn to those who appreciate you and find you interesting, fun, and attractive.

Where will you begin?

Now that you have an idea of how to get over trust issues and if you have them, what actions will you take today to begin healing yourself and building stronger relationships?

This isn’t about blaming others for your trust issues. Yes, other people were likely involved. But just as you need to forgive yourself in order to heal, you also need to forgive those who’ve hurt you.

You don’t have to be involved with them, or with anyone unworthy of your trust.

But don’t let your happiness and growth depend on someone else. Real strength means forgiving as well as taking action to protect yourself and others from toxic people.

Both are essential to learning how to trust again .

How To Learn To Trust Again: Working Through Trust Issues

Psychologists and researchers have long theorized that trust plays a critical role in relationships. Healthy friendships, romantic partnerships, family relationships, and even business partnerships typically involve some element of trust, and severe or repeated betrayals can sometimes create a situation where an individual becomes apprehensive about placing their trust in others.

Whether you’re struggling to trust another person after a betrayal or are finding that deep-seated trust issues are making it difficult to form secure relationships, it can be helpful to examine your feelings and take steps to rebuild your ability to trust. You might try reflecting on the sources of your trust issues, embracing honest communication, and implementing healthy boundaries as you slowly take steps toward trust and forgiveness. A licensed therapist, whether in person or online, can serve as your guide throughout this journey.

Understanding trust issues

Trust is often considered a fundamental component of healthy relationships. However, trust can be fragile, particularly when past experiences complicate one’s willingness to trust others. Trust issues can affect the dynamic between two people, such as after an instance of infidelity or some other type of betrayal. In these situations, repairing the relationship may hinge on re-establishing trust and fostering forgiveness. 

Trust issues can also be personal in nature. Past trauma, for example, can significantly impact one’s ability to trust others, such as when a person’s relationship or family history has been marked by instances of betrayal. Low self-esteem may be another factor that contributes to distrust, leading individuals to doubt their own worthiness of trust and devotion. 

Effects of trust issues on relationships

Over time, a lack of trust may contribute to the deterioration of a relationship. Doubt and insecurity can make it difficult for two people to feel safe with one another, which can be emotionally draining for both parties. The person harboring the trust issues may be uncertain about the other’s loyalty and intentions, while the other partner may believe they are being unfairly scrutinized.

This dynamic can take a toll on the ability to communicate effectively, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Unresolved trust issues can hinder the healthy functioning of a relationship, even calling into question the viability of the relationship itself.

Components of trusting relationships

As you learn how to trust again, it may be worth keeping in mind some of the principles that tend to underpin trusting relationships. If you’re struggling to trust someone, it might help to consider how each of these components is functioning within the relationship.

• Open communication: A culture of honest, transparent discussion about thoughts, feelings, and concerns usually establishes and reinforces trust. This vulnerability can show the other person that you value and respect the relationship enough to show your true self, which can be instrumental in creating a safe space.
• Respect: Showing respect through words and actions can be an important facet of healthy relationships, creating an environment wherein both people feel valued.
• Consistency: We typically depend on those with whom we are close for support, whether it be emotional or practical in nature. Consistently meeting each other’s needs can demonstrate trust and build confidence.
• Empathy: Relationships tend to function best when both people believe they are understood. Consistent demonstrations of empathy and consideration can show that a person may be relied upon to act in accordance with the needs and desires of those with whom they are close.
• Forgiveness: Even the healthiest relationships may be prone to conflict, but sincere apologies and forgiveness can go a long way in recovering from mistakes and misunderstandings.

Steps to rebuilding trust

If trust issues are getting in the way of a healthy relationship or making it difficult to build a new one, there are some steps you can take to help you learn how to trust again. 

1. Reflect on the issues

You might start by identifying the origin of your trust issues, as well as the impact this lack of trust may be having on your mental, emotional, or relationship health. 

If your trust issues stem from a recent betrayal, it may be worth thinking about how you might repair the relationship or heal in its absence. If your trust issues are more psychological in nature, you may benefit from assessing these feelings in the context of your current relationship(s). Here are some examples of questions to consider:

• Are my feelings related to something that is happening now or in the past?
• How has this person demonstrated their trustworthiness?
• Have I asked for what I need in this relationship?

2. Communicate honestly

Open, honest communication about your feelings and past experiences may be helpful as you work through feelings of mistrust. Explaining why you’re cautious or paranoid can open up a conversation about what you need from the other person, whether it be more transparency, consistency, or reassurance.

If your trust issues are limited to a particular relationship, honesty may play an even more significant role in the healing process. A mutual commitment to open, direct communication is often a good starting point, both in terms of day-to-day interaction and conflict resolution.

As you put this into practice, it may be important to consider how to prioritize positive, blameless communication. Using “I” statements , for example, can help you share your feelings without making accusations, which can facilitate a more constructive dialogue.

3. Implement boundaries and expectations

Boundaries and expectations can be an important aspect of healthy, mutually respectful relationships, and they can also safeguard your emotional well-being. 

When a relationship has been affected by a recent betrayal, stating your needs and limits can help the other person understand how to earn back your trust. You can also use past experiences to help you set boundaries in future relationships, which may help you develop a sense of what you are willing to accept from others.

While this can be a healthy practice, those with trust issues might be cautious of allowing boundaries to become emotional walls or unrealistic expectations. Sometimes, past betrayals may lead us to implement standards or place demands that can be difficult for others to abide by, which may lead to disappointment or further distrust. 

4. Take gradual steps toward trust

It can take time to learn how to trust again, and the process typically involves small, incremental steps. It may be helpful to start with practicing vulnerability in low-stakes situations, allowing the positive outcomes to reassure you and rebuild your confidence in others.

While it can seem daunting at first, you may soon feel more comfortable with emotional exposure and re-establish trusting relationships. 

It may be a good idea to practice mindfulness in these situations by paying special attention to how each act of trust is handled by the other person. In this way, you can become more attuned to the ways people show themselves to be trustworthy, while also learning how to recognize signs that a person may not be someone you can trust.

5. Learn to forgive

Practicing forgiveness may be an especially challenging act of trust, but without it, it might be difficult to move forward and build strong relationships. If you’re feeling resentment or anger toward someone who has wronged you, consider the process as a step toward your own peace and healing, rather than a favor to the other person.

Forgiveness may involve acknowledging and expressing your feelings, practicing empathy, and learning from the experience, as well as reflecting on the impact that negativity may be having on your emotional well-being and relationships. 

If you’re having a hard time moving forward from a betrayal, it may be worth considering forgiveness therapy . This type of therapy was primarily developed to help individuals develop healthier emotional responses to past hurts and grievances, and it might be a worthwhile consideration for those struggling to heal from an emotionally damaging experience.

When to seek help

Learning how to trust again can be a positive step toward healthier relationships, and the newfound confidence with which you approach others can help you build deeper, more meaningful connections. However, this can be a lengthy process, particularly if your trust issues are rooted in deeper, more complex experiences of betrayal. 

If trust issues are preventing you from building or maintaining healthy relationships with others, it may be worth seeking professional help from a licensed therapist. A therapist can work with you to understand how those experiences may be shaping your current relationships and offer valuable guidance for learning to trust.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy are two commonly practiced, evidence-based approaches that may be helpful in your situation, and both have been empirically validated by a wealth of research.

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp can offer a convenient way to access therapy from the comfort of home. Talking about trust issues can be a vulnerable experience, and the option to attend sessions via videoconference, phone call, or online chat can empower you to customize the therapy experience to your personal comfort level.

Effectiveness of online therapy

While there may not yet be studies investigating the efficacy of online therapy for resolving difficulties with trust, a large body of evidence suggests that online therapy can produce the same client outcomes as traditional face-to-face therapy . Online therapy is frequently used to address a wide variety of mental health disorders and challenges.

Trust issues can make it challenging to build healthy relationships, and learning how to trust others is often a lengthy and challenging process. With clear communication, reasonable boundaries, and carefully considered acts of vulnerability, it may be possible to work toward trust and forgiveness. For guidance working through trust issues, connect with a therapist online or in your local area.

• How To Break A Bad Habit: A Research-Based Psychological Approach Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti , M.Ed, LPC
• Transforming Your Relationship: How To Get Through To Your Partner Medically reviewed by Corey Pitts , MA, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS
• Relationships and Relations

Need help? Call us at (833) 966-4233

Trust issues: Signs, causes, and how to overcome them

• Trust is a subjective way of measuring how much we’re able to rely on and believe in the honesty and integrity of others. But when our ability to trust others is compromised, we may develop trust issues.  
• Some of the signs of trust issues include avoiding commitment in romantic relationships, avoiding close friendships or social connections, and difficulty forgiving small or misinterpreted slights, among others.   
• Trust issues may be caused by adverse childhood experiences, infidelity in adult relationships, gaslighting, or narcissistic abuse from loved ones.  
•  Overcoming trust issues is best done with the assistance of a behavioral therapist or couples counselor, but individuals can take personal steps to communicate their uncertainty, be mindful of their past trauma, and be willing to take the risk to trust again.    

Trust issues are characterized by fear of betrayal, abandonment , or manipulation . And this fear is often triggered as a result of betrayal (such as infidelity), abandonment (think: leaving a child or foregoing a relationship with them), or manipulation (for example, dishonesty or gaslighting ).

If you’re reading this, it’s possible that someone you trusted — a partner, a parent, or even a doctor — mistreated you or let you down. And as a result, you struggle to trust others. Or, in other words, you have trust issues.

Many people can pinpoint the event or relationship in question, but others struggle. And most (if not all) struggle to overcome their trust issues. However, it isn’t impossible. If you’re struggling with trust issues, you can work to trust again by following a few steps. But first, let’s start from the beginning: What exactly is trust?

What Is Trust?

Trust is the belief in the reliability and truth of another person. It’s how we subjectively measure the integrity and honesty of others — those who can be counted on to do what is right. However, sometimes we aren’t certain who to trust, how much to trust, and when not to trust.

What Are Trust Issues and What Are the Signs of Trust Issues?

To recap what we said earlier: When someone has trust issues, they have an extremely difficult time trusting others — and often because someone has betrayed their trust in the past. Here are additional signs and symptoms of trust issues:

• They assume betrayal. Those with trust issues assume someone has betrayed their trust even if they have no rightful reasoning.
• They anticipate betrayal. People with trust issues often assume someone will betray them soon enough, despite how honest they have been in the past.
• They’re overly protective. Those with trust issues are usually very protective of their loved ones, out of fear that they will become disloyal.
• They distance themselves from others. People with trust issues decide it’s best to limit their relationships to avoid betrayal or abandonment.
• They avoid commitment . No matter how much they care for someone, people with trust issues refuse to commit.
• They refuse to forgive (even the smallest mistakes). Those with trust issues are quick to make a big deal out of nothing — it’s the end of the world if someone makes the slightest mistake.
• They’re excessively wary of people. People with trust issues are extremely cautious and suspicious of everyone they meet.
• They feel lonely or depressed . Those with trust issues isolate themselves from others and feel lonely or depressed as a result.

What Causes Trust Issues?

Earlier, we said that trust issues are often caused by an act of betrayal, abandonment, or manipulation. But what are the most common examples of these wrongdoings that lead to trust issues?

• Infidelity : Again, infidelity is an example of betrayal that can trigger trust issues. Many people view this as the ultimate form of betrayal. While it’s possible to repair a relationship after infidelity, often the relationship ends and the victim of the infidelity develops trust issues, which impact future relationships.
• Manipulation or mistreatment : If a past partner or loved one manipulated or mistreated you, you’re also at an increased risk for trust issues. Examples include dishonesty, gaslighting, passive-aggressive behavior, and keeping you isolated from others.
• Childhood trauma : Adverse experiences in childhood are also likely to cause trust issues. Examples include abuse or abandonment (by one or more caregivers).
• Other forms of trauma: Trauma later in life can also lead to trust issues. For example, you might struggle to trust healthcare professionals because of a firsthand or secondhand traumatic experience with a previous doctor. Think: Getting misdiagnosed with a serious illness.
• Parental divorce or conflicts : If you have divorced parents , you may also be more likely to develop trust issues, especially in your romantic relationships. On the other hand, if your parents argue(d) a lot and you’ve witnessed an up and down relationship, you might’ve developed trust issues as a result.

Once someone experiences a betrayal, their trust issues may impact their ability to avoid internalizing that experience—they may blame themselves, and feel less confident in the future. This can impact their ability to trust because they may feel “undeserving”, and instead of fostering a healthy connection, a person with trust issues may be constantly on guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. 

The Importance of Trust in Romantic Relationships

In most cases, our romantic relationships suffer the most from our trust issues — whether they’ve resulted from betrayal in a former romantic relationship or not. Why? Intimate relationships are based on honesty and openness. The trust that partners have in each other is the glue that binds the relationship, providing a positive emotional connection that’s rooted in affection, love, and loyalty.

A common cause of trust issues is infidelity. If a partner in a relationship has an affair, the deception and betrayal of trust can be more damaging than the actual affair. The lying erodes the belief in the other person, and the reality is that the partner has another aspect of their life that they’ve kept secret. A person who didn’t develop trust as a child will feel especially vulnerable to infidelity and deception by somebody they loved.

Is Having Trust Issues a Mental Illness?

Having trust issues as a singular issue isn’t a mental illness. However, it can be indicative of an actual mental health condition, particularly: 

• Anxiety disorders , especially PTSD
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)
• Bipolar disorder I or II

These conditions may cause trust issues in relationships because of the way certain cognitive distortions, irrational beliefs, or mood swings may unrealistically change someone’s perception of reality and interpersonal relationships. What can be particularly damaging, though, is when a person with a mental health condition that causes trust issues is hurt by a loved one’s deception. This can affirm their negative bias and make it even harder to emotionally and socially connect with other people, even if they desire to do so. 

What Is a Person Called When They Have Trust Issues?

Pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting people or forming significant relationships with them. While it’s not a recognized mental health condition in the DSM-5, pistanthrophobia, like other phobias , causes significant mental and emotional distress and usually detracts from the sufferer’s quality of life in a significant way. 

Are Trust Issues a Red Flag?

Trust issues can be a sign that someone has experienced a significant amount of trauma — but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t working through their past experiences. Trust issues in a relationship can be hard for both partners to overcome, but with adequate support and communication channels, people with trust issues can have healthy, successful connections with partners — that aren’t ruled by their past. 

What Do You Do If You Have Trust Issues In a Relationship?

Dialectal behavior therapy (DBT) is an effective treatment method for people who are noticing continued trust issues in relationships. So for those wondering how to fix trust issues, finding a mental health professional that they can connect with and receive DBT from is the first place to begin. Partners can also benefit from couples or marriage counseling, where they’ll learn new ways to empathize, communicate, and resolve differences and conflicts.

But even before beginning counseling or another form of mental health treatment, there are smaller, personal ways in which someone with trust issues in a relationship can begin to find healing. 

How to Get Over or Overcome Trust Issues: 8 Tips

Knowing how to fix trust issues isn’t always simple. If you have trust issues and it’s hindering your ability to build happy, healthy relationships or it’s hindering your life in another way, then it’s time to make a change. Follow these steps if you’re wondering how to fix trust issues and take your relationships to the next level.

1) Accept the risk that comes with learning to trust again.

None of us are perfect — we let people down. Therefore, you must accept the risk that comes with trusting; the reality is that you’re going to be let down at some point or another. But that doesn’t mean your relationship with that person is or should be over. It’s about setting and communicating the right expectations as well as boundaries .

2) Learn how trust works.

Some people trust until they have a reason not to — others don’t trust people until that trust is earned. It’s up to you if and when you choose to trust someone. It’s perfectly okay to wait for someone to earn your trust before deciding you can rely on them. Especially if you’re recovering from past betrayal.

3) Take emotional risks.

At some point, you’ve got to just jump in head-first. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and choose to trust (whether it’s at the beginning of a relationship or after they’ve earned your trust).

4) Get to the root of your trust issues.

Remember, trust issues often stem from a past betrayal. If you aren’t sure why you have trust issues, do some soul-searching. Think about any past experiences that may have caused your trust issues. It’s crucial that you understand why you’re scared and what you’re scared of, so you can move on. If you need help doing this, consider working with a counselor .

5) Communicate honestly and often.

Poor communication is one of the main reasons that marriages and other relationships deteriorate. Do your part, and continue to be honest with the people in your life. Also, talk to them about your hesitancy to trust.

6) Be mindful of your relationships.

Each one of your interactions works to build trust. Start tuning into these interactions and consider why someone (whether it’s your new doctor, partner, or co-worker) might deserve your trust.

7) Consider those you do trust and express your appreciation.

Friends and family members who have always been there are easy to take for granted unless you make a conscious effort to show them your appreciation. When you have a problem, those are the people you can trust to be a support network. In addition, you can learn a lot about who, what, why, and how you trust from these relationships.

8) Try and trust again.

If you fail and resort back to distrusting tendencies, try again. Trust again. Keep putting yourself out there.

Updated Aug 16, 2022

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Our clinical and medical experts , ranging from licensed therapists and counselors to psychiatric nurse practitioners, author our content, in partnership with our editorial team. In addition, we only use authoritative, trusted, and current sources. This ensures we provide valuable resources to our readers. Read our editorial policy for more information.

Thriveworks was established in 2008, with the ultimate goal of helping people live happy and successful lives. We are clinician-founded and clinician-led. In addition to providing exceptional clinical care and customer service, we accomplish our mission by offering important information about mental health and self-improvement.

We are dedicated to providing you with valuable resources that educate and empower you to live better. First, our content is authored by the experts — our editorial team co-writes our content with mental health professionals at Thriveworks, including therapists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and more.

We also enforce a tiered review process in which at least three individuals — two or more being licensed clinical experts — review, edit, and approve each piece of content before it is published. Finally, we frequently update old content to reflect the most up-to-date information.

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Emily Simonian, M.A., LMFT

Emily Simonian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) who has direct training and experience working with family and relationship issues, as well as working with individuals. She also specializes in treating stress/anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, as well as self-esteem issues and general self-improvement goals.

Taylor Bennett

Taylor Bennett is the Head of Content at Thriveworks. She received her BA in multimedia journalism with minors in professional writing and leadership from Virginia Tech. She is a co-author of “Leaving Depression Behind: An Interactive, Choose Your Path Book.”

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Essential Tools for Overcoming Common Relationship Obstacles

Posted: February 28, 2024 | Last updated: February 28, 2024

Discover the most common relationship problems, including poor communication, lack of trust, financial issues, and more. Learn how to fix these concerns or prevent them from happening in the first place.

Communication Breakdown

Communication is the foundation of any relationship. When partners stop sharing thoughts and start assuming what the other is thinking, misunderstandings grow. To bridge this gap, schedule regular check-ins and express feelings openly.

Trust Issues

Trust is crucial, yet easily shattered by secrets or lies. Rebuilding trust takes time and consistency. Both partners must commit to transparency and understand that healing is a gradual process. A consistent effort to reassure and be open with each other can mend the cracks formed by mistrust.

Neglecting Each Other’s Needs

Every individual has unique needs and expectations. Ignoring these can lead to feelings of neglect. Regularly discussing and acknowledging each other’s needs ensures a mutually satisfying relationship.

Loss of Intimacy

Physical and emotional intimacy binds couples. When it diminishes, relationships feel hollow. Prioritize time together, explore new ways to connect, and seek professional help if needed. Intimacy is about closeness and understanding, not just sex.

Constant Conflict

Frequent arguments, even about trivial matters, can erode love. It’s important to learn conflict resolution skills and understand the underlying issues. Addressing the root cause and adopting a problem-solving attitude can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth.

Financial Stress

Money matters can create significant stress. Openly discussing financial goals and concerns is crucial. Creating a budget and financial plan together can alleviate pressure and set clear expectations and guidelines to abide by.

Growing Apart

People change over time, and sometimes, they grow apart. To combat this, evolve together. Engage in shared activities, set common goals, and respect individual growth. Understanding and adapting to each other’s evolution keeps the relationship dynamic and strong.

Unmet Expectations

Expectations, if not communicated, can lead to disappointment. Discuss what you both want from the relationship and check in regularly. Adapting to reality versus fantasy is key to overcoming frustration and building a shared future.

Infidelity is a severe breach of trust. Recovery requires honesty, forgiveness, and a commitment to rebuild. It’s a difficult path, and professional guidance is often necessary. Once broken, it’s hard to put back together, but with effort, trust can be restored.

Jealousy and Insecurity

Jealousy often stems from insecurity. Addressing the root cause and building self-esteem are vital. Open communication and reassurance from both partners can mitigate these feelings. Trust and understanding are the antidotes to jealousy.

Lack of Appreciation

Feeling unappreciated can lead to resentment. Regularly express gratitude and acknowledge each other’s efforts. A simple “thank you” can make a significant difference. Celebrate achievements and express appreciation openly.

Over time, routines can become dull. Inject excitement by trying new activities or hobbies together. Breaking the monotony revitalizes the relationship. Remember, adventure can be found in small, daily changes as well as grand gestures.

Different Life Goals

Diverging paths can strain a relationship. Discuss and align your visions for the future. Compromise and mutual support are key to blending your dreams, not sacrificing one for the other.

Poor Conflict Resolution

Handling conflicts poorly can lead to resentment. Learn healthy ways to communicate during disagreements. Understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground is crucial. It’s not about winning, it’s about understanding.

Lack of Personal Space

Everyone needs personal space. Respecting each other’s need for alone time enhances togetherness. Discuss and agree on boundaries. Remember, being together doesn’t mean being inseparable.

Unrealistic Expectations

Idealizing a partner or relationship leads to disappointment. Embrace imperfections and set realistic expectations. Discuss what’s truly important and let go of the minor issues. Perfect is the enemy of good.

Technology Interference

Screens can become a barrier to connection. Set tech-free times to focus on each other. Engage in meaningful conversations and activities without digital distractions. Prioritizing face-to-face interaction strengthens bonds.

Different Communication Styles

Understanding each other’s communication styles is crucial. Some prefer direct talks, while others need time to process. Respecting and adapting to these differences prevents misunderstandings. Speak in a way that makes sense to your partner.

Lack of Commitment

Commitment issues can stem from fear or past experiences. Addressing these fears together and reaffirming the commitment can strengthen the bond. Both partners need to be equally invested in the relationship’s future.

Disagreements on Parenting

Parenting styles can clash, causing stress. Discuss and unify your parenting approaches to find common ground. Consistency and support are key in raising children with a sense of security. Teamwork really does make the dream work in parenting.

Failure to Apologize

The inability to apologize can hurt deeply. Recognizing mistakes and sincerely apologizing heal wounds. Saying sorry doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. Forgiveness and understanding are the pillars of a strong partnership.

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4 Trauma Responses That May Be Hurting Your Relationships

How to spot signs of unresolved trauma and manage them in your life..

Updated April 10, 2024 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer

• What Is Trauma?
• Find a therapist to heal from trauma
• Overthinking is a general term for rumination, or obsessive thoughts about a person or situation.
• Many with histories of abuse or trauma have learned to over-apologize as part of survival and self-protection.
• Oversharing may be used to “fast-track” a relationship and to establish false intimacy between two people.

Many people may not realize how unresolved trauma can influence the quality of their life and their relationships. They may downplay the significance of their trauma or may live “distracted” where they have become disconnected from their feelings and emotions. Unresolved trauma runs the risk of damaging a person’s relationships and can impact their ability to choose emotionally healthy people in their lives.

While all traumatic situations can affect a person uniquely, when a person does not resolve their trauma, it can continue to negatively impact their life, their self-esteem , and their choices in relationships.

Here are four common signs of unresolved trauma.

Overthinking

If you have experienced significant or chronic trauma, one of the most common patterns that may be affecting your life is overthinking. Overthinking is a general term for rumination , or obsessive thoughts about a person or situation that may be exacerbating any existing trauma and may be interfering with the quality of your life.

Two common patterns of rumination are obsessing about the past and obsessing about the future. Chronic ruminating about the past can lead to depressive symptoms or make existing depression worse, whereas ruminating about the future can cause you to feel anxious or make an existing diagnosis of anxiety worse.

If you notice you tend to ruminate about situations that have caused you trauma, you should learn to identify what traits or patterns about the person or situation are traumatic for you, as well as identify your experienced emotions. It is also important to learn adaptive coping skills that help you remain more grounded and focused on the present. Additionally, you should consider learning techniques for challenging automatic negative thoughts while practicing self-compassion.

Over-apologizing

Many with histories of abuse and trauma have learned to over- apologize as part of survival and self-protection. Those with histories of childhood trauma may have learned to apologize for things that were not their fault as a way of keeping the peace to prevent more conflict. Some with histories of over-apologizing can also feel low self-worth or high insecurity, and over-apologizing may also walk hand-in-hand with people-pleasing tendencies.

When learning to stop a pattern of over-apologizing, you should become aware of people or situations that make you feel vulnerable to this pattern. You should also learn to feel comfortable standing up for yourself, to recognize that you are allowed to express your needs and that you should not feel obligated to apologize for holding certain beliefs or feelings.

Oversharing

Oversharing is a common pattern seen in people who have experienced significant trauma. For some, oversharing may be a way to “fast-track” a new relationship and establish a sense of false intimacy between two people. However, when a relationship is built on oversharing trauma , it gets confused as an authentic connection, which may increase your risk of remaining “stuck” in a trauma-bonded relationship. Others may overshare for self-protection, to keep people at arm’s length, or to push relationships away that feel too threatening.

If you notice you tend to overshare, you should become more mindful of the people you share with, the type of relationship you have with those people, how long you have known them, and whether or not you should redirect the conversation to something less personal.

If you feel intense emotions, stress , or an inability to self-calm, you may be feeling overwhelmed by unprocessed trauma. When you feel constantly overwhelmed, it limits your ability to cope with mundane day-to-day events. It can additionally leave you feeling exhausted or with a reduced ability to multitask. For some, chronic feelings of overwhelm can trigger emotional dysregulation, sudden emotional outbursts, or emotionally shutting down.

If you have a history of trauma, it is important to reach out to a psychologist who specializes in trauma healing, and who can help you learn necessary skills in prioritizing your self-care.

Overcoming Trauma Responses

Please know that you are not alone. Healing from trauma (including these kinds of common trauma responses) often requires working with a professional who can assist you in processing your emotions and past experiences so they do not continue affecting you in the present. It is also important to practice self-compassion. While there is no "right" way to heal trauma, remember to be kind to yourself throughout your personal journey. This often includes journaling, getting quality sleep, readjusting your schedule when needed, and surrounding yourself with those who love you and are supportive of you in your healing.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .

Annie Tanasugarn, PhD., CCTSA specializes in teaching clients how to establish a healthy sense of self-identity while overcoming the effect of early trauma and maladaptive adult relationship patterns.

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